


Gathering Pieces of Yourself

by CowgayKermit



Series: I'll Dance Til I Die [3]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Bad Things Happen Bingo, Gen, Ghost Empath Klaus, Implied/Referenced Murder, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Not Beta Read, Unreliable Narrator, shot with an arrow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-04-25 21:41:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22341145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CowgayKermit/pseuds/CowgayKermit
Summary: Klaus' family now know about the ghosts and they're there to support him, to help him stay good. But there's things they still need to learn.
Relationships: Dave/Klaus Hargreeves
Series: I'll Dance Til I Die [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1602607
Comments: 45
Kudos: 415





	Gathering Pieces of Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> a third and final installment. thanks to BFHwantsblood for suggesting one of the siblings pov. and big thanks to remus as always. i know i don't always thank you in the notes bumblebae but just know with my whole heart i always appreciate you, you're Good. 
> 
> bad things bingo: shot with an arrow

Since finding out the Truth around Klaus’s Powers, the siblings did their best to help Him. It wasn’t always clear if He was acting out His own whims or the Whims of the Ghosts that Haunted Him. They still messed up some, saying the wrong thing to Him or trying to help when He didn’t need it. Too often He would ask them a question and then after their answer He would have a tight smile, sharp nod, as if He got the wrong answer but He knew they were right and He was wrong. 

It was also hard to tell if they had hurt His feelings or a One of Them was Sad. 

Was Klaus the one laughing happily or a Ghost?

Klaus was mad at them but _was He actually mad at them_ or was He living Their Anger?

But they’d been trying to help Him, not just with Their Emotions and His emotions but with His Powers. He could make Ben and Dave Corporeal sometimes. It wasn’t easy for Him, nor consistent, but He tried. Whenever either of Them Appeared They would always praise Klaus, calling Him a good boy.

And then Ben gathered everyone who wasn’t Dave or Klaus together in a room and frowned at them. They felt unsure under his gaze, not sure what they did wrong.

Taking a deep breath, Ben said, “You’ve all been doing good, over all, with Helping Klaus. Thank you for that. But there is one thing you get Wrong consistently. You may have Noticed that We tell him He’s a Good Boy a lot? Or He Asks if He Is?” Ben locked eyes with Diego for a second, “Always tell Him He’s a Good Boy. If he Asks if He is Bad, _tell Him no_. Never tell him He’s Bad. Always tell him He’s Good. _He is a Good Boy._”

The room was quiet for a moment, as they were taking this in. All remembering various times when Klaus would Ask such things, when He would state He was Bad. Usually he asked during or just after a Ghost made Him do Something. They remembered times when they assured Him it wasn’t His fault, or that He was okay. But they Never told Him that He wasn’t Bad.

Luther frowned, “Tell Him He’s a Good Boy like He’s a dog?”

Ben turned and glowered at Luther, “Luther, shut up. You no longer get to talk.” He took a calming breath before responding in a measured tone, “He has a fragile sense of self, and not great mental health. He’s fixated on being Good, and those are the words He understands and uses. They get through to Him, _you dum-dum!_”

“Sorry,” Luther muttered, looking down. 

“From what I can tell, He’s been fixated on being Good since we were kids. Please use these words with Him. And _Never_ agree if He says He was Bad. Reassure Him that it Wasn’t Him who was Bad. I’m sure you’ve all noticed how hard it is for Him to control Himself and His Wants when They are around?” Ben watched as they all nodded, “His sense of self is barely there. When He did get to be Himself He was on drugs and we all know drugs will affect your actions. He has _never_ had the ability to Really Be Himself. I want you all to think about that. For god’s sake, the first time He borrowed Allison’s clothes and put on makeup? A Ghost Wanted to be Pretty. It wasn’t even Him! _Sure,_ He likes it now, but He didn’t start it. It wasn’t His idea.”

The fact that something so Klaus didn’t start because of Klaus made them pause. Since they were kids Klaus liked to bend the gender norms, and He assured them that He wasn’t a boy or a girl. Was that because of the Ghosts? Did they mess with His gender?

“Are the Ghosts why He’s non-binary?” Allison asked slowly, worried. If They could take Him over so acutely, how far did it go?

“No,” Ben assured quickly. “She had just shown Him how He could be. She’s one of the Good Ones.”

Allison thought of this conversation a few days later when Klaus knocked on her door, letting Himself in with a nervous smile. Giving a little wave He shifted on his feet, looking down before she smiled at Him. After the smile He grinned, bounded over to her bed and sat next to her, “We Want to Be Pretty. Paint my nails?”

Her smile felt tight. Knowing what she knew now, hearing the _’We’_, it hurt. It made her question if He did Want to be Pretty. Ben had said that He did, that the Ghost had just shown Him the Possibilities. “Of course,” she got out her nail polish and let him pick the color. 

When she was done she reached up and tucked a strand of His hair behind his ear, “Want me to do Your makeup?”

He nodded, then glanced to the side, _“She has better makeup since then.”_ He rolled His eyes fondly and then put His attention back to Allison. “Sorry, Bethie has Opinions on your makeup. Can we do a full face?” He looked excited at the idea.

Allison frowned, “Well my foundation won’t match--”

He jumped up, “I have some! I’ll be right back!” 

She noted the lack of _’We’_ being said. Bethie was in the room, but had She backed off? Letting Klaus be Himself? Ben said Bethie was a Good One, or Allison assumed he was speaking of her. She hoped that Bethie made Him want to Be Pretty to help Him feel better? If He was sad? Would she intervene and start the process to make Him feel better?

He came back, holding some foundations and concealers. Dropping them next to her on the bed, He took her hands for a second, “Thank you for this.”

She grasped back, “Anytime, Klaus. Thanks for asking me. I’m having fun and You’re so Good. We’ll get You looking Pretty in no time.”

She’d never seen Him look so Happy.

Maybe Ben was onto something. She’d have to tell Klaus that He was Good more often, if it got Him to smile like that.

It was after that, Allison having told the others how happy she made Klaus by telling Him that he was Good when Diego walked in on Klaus giggling and burning things. He had a metal tray on the table and was burning papers, candles beside the tray already melted down, lighters and matches on the sofa next to Him. 

At least He was being relatively safe with burning things. 

He then spotted burnt sofa, a blister on His hand. 

_Maybe not that safe._

Diego sighed and sat down next to Klaus, moving a matchbook that had all the matches missing. Klaus glanced at him and gave a worried smile and let Diego grab his hand to look at the new blisters. With His free hand Klaus put another paper in the little fire and let out another little giggle as it burnt up. 

“Stop trying to burn things. Esmeralda’s ideas of burning things is bad,” Diego said absently as he gently took Klaus’s other hand in his to see the burns on it. 

Klaus frowned, His shoulders tightening as if He was waiting to be punished, “So I’m Bad when I listen to Her?”

“What?” Diego’s head snapped up so he could look at Klaus’s face and not His hands. He knew he’d done wrong, realizing he’d said _’bad’_. “No! You’re still Good. Just uh, confused? You’re just confused.” 

Klaus looked doubtful. When He finally replied he sounded _young_ and as confused as Diego tried to claim He was, “But if I do Bad things I’m Bad.”

Diego felt something hollow take over. _”Oh.”_ The Good and Bad finally clicking for him. Ben had said how Important they were, and Allison backing Ben up, Diego still didn’t fully understand. He hadn’t realized how Klaus put Doing Bad Things to mean the same as Being Bad. For someone who was raised to be morally grey (Reginald making it seem like killing bank robbers as okay) it was strange to Diego how Klaus could have such a Black and White view of Good and Bad. 

Diego made sure his grip on Klaus’s burnt hands was light, “Doing Bad things does not mean You are Bad. You are Good, even when They Influence You.”

Klaus looked skeptical, “No. I’m only Good when I do Good things. Good Boys don’t do Bad things. And I’m not usually Good. It’s Hard, being a Good Boy. But I’ve been Good a lot lately!” He grinned, obviously happy to be Good. “You’ve all said so! You’ve all been telling me I’m a Good Boy!”

Since Ben’s talk they all had been trying to tell Klaus that He’s Good more, and it hurt knowing how much they had inadvertently harmed Klaus before the talk by simply not telling Him that He was Good. It had gotten so easy to add _’Good’_ into their vocabulary. 

Seeing how much telling Klaus he was Good helped?

Diego wished he knew about it when they were growing up. Could they have saved Him from His addictions? From being homeless? From so much of His trauma? With the magic words could they have helped Klaus be happy years ago?

Diego gave a fake smile, “Well Good Boys let their brothers help Them put burn cream on Their hands.”

Klaus nodded, “Okay. I’ll be Good then.”

It was almost like a cheat code, a way to make Klaus do what they want. They just had to tell Him that He’d be a Good Boy if He did something for them. Luckily, other than making sure He was Safe, they didn’t use this knowledge against Him. Once in a while they did use it to make sure He ate or got to sleep, but it was clear how much He wanted to be Good and it made them feel like they were manipulating Him when they did that.

Almost like they were One of Them, making Him do things He didn’t really want to do.

Then one night, Diego woke up, knife in hand, as his door slowly creaked open. As soon as he realized it was Klaus’s silhouette in the doorway, Diego put the knife away and turned on the lamp by his bed. 

Klaus didn’t like the dark.

Diego didn’t like what he saw in the light.

Klaus had his arms out in front of him, a red knife shaking his hand, almost ready to drop. The red of the knife matching the red on Klaus’s arms. He was crying. Voice shaking, a weak, “I’m sorry. I think I was Very Bad.”

Diego jumped up, taking the knife and throwing it to the side, making it land on his desk. He didn’t want Klaus to drop it and have it do more damage. His own hands now shaking, Diego directed Klaus to the bed to sit. He then threw a small nearby coin, hitting the light switch. He needed better light to see how bad the damage was.

It had become clear that whenever Klaus was Injured or Playing with Knives he sought out Diego to be comforted. Diego figured it was because he was the one who over the years of homelessness helped Him the most, how since they got back together, he was the one who kept finding Him burning things, taking knives from Him, making sure He wasn’t too injured. (It hurt how Klaus thought that when He did self harm because of the Ghosts that He didn’t count them as Real. This? This was Very Real.)

Diego swallowed thickly, grabbing his med kit he kept in his room and trying to get the excess blood off Klaus. The cuts were deep and obviously self-inflicted. “You were G-G-Good for c-coming to get help,” Diego’s voice shook along with his hands. 

“I didn’t mean to be Bad,” Klaus whispered as Diego looked at the damage. He would need stitches. While Diego didn’t like needles, he could handle stitches. He’d had to stitch himself up enough over the years he was possibly better than Grace at it. “We Took the Knife to Practice Throwing them like you do! We Thought it always looked like Fun.” Diego kept his mouth shut but mentally cursed. Was this his fault? What had happened? His and the Ghost’s fault? Klaus continued, “But then it was just me for a bit. I was cleaning up the mess We had made when Another came and-- _and They had a different idea of Fun_.”

These Ghosts, they were a problem. The small cuts, the light burns, it had never been something life threatening. But this? These were deep. Klaus claimed He Knew when They Wanted Him to take it Too Far and Diego had believed Him.

_He was a dum-dum._

They had to find a way to block the Ghosts. They couldn’t let things continue like this. Next time Klaus may do more damage at the Ghosts’ behest. They’d wake up one day and Klaus wouldn’t be around to be told He was Good anymore. 

Diego wasn’t going to let that happen.

After Diego got Klaus cleaned up and sewed up and put to sleep in Diego’s bed, Diego wrapping his arms around Klaus, wanting to keep Him Safe, he started a game plan.

Sadly, most of his game plan depended on Klaus.

Other than the siblings keeping a closer watch on Him, Diego posed the idea of Klaus being able to Banish Ghosts. He could practice with Ben and Dave nearby, but don’t Banish Them, because Those Two were Good. He would practice with a sibling in the room, to make sure he was okay throughout the practice.

So they started practicing it.

Klaus was doubtful, saying He’d never been able to before. Not even keeping His Emotions and Their Emotions separate. He’d tried as a kid, of course, but no dice. He was Bad and couldn’t do it. Vanya pointed out that His powers had grown since a kid, and He was able to Manifest Ben and Dave so maybe now He could try again. And they would watch over Him, to help him be Good.

They also assured Him that if He couldn’t do it, he was Still Good and He Wasn’t Bad.

It was after one of these practices when Diego had been the one watching and had to watch as Klaus failed over and over and watching as he had to deal with Their Emotions as They got Close that Diego found himself ranting to Five.

Five was tinkering with some sort of device as Diego paced, “They just do whatever They Want to Him and He can’t fight back! God, it’s just like that Kyle guy.” The memory of finding Klaus like that-- pants being pulled down against His will, crying, not even bothering to fight back--

He wished he’d killed Kyle when he had the chance but getting Klaus out of there seemed more important. Hearing Klaus mention so casually that Kyle _liked him pliant_ and hinted that this was _not_ the first time Kyle had done this, drugging Klaus more than he already was so--

“What Kyle guy,” Five said, tone hard as he looked up from his tinkering. It was not a question.

Diego explained what he’d stopped, how he took Klaus home and the next day Klaus stole his boots. How at the time anyone could have done anything to Klaus, how Kyle would use a needle to give Him more drugs, so He couldn’t fight back; how Kyle _didn’t like Him fighting back._

“And you didn’t kill him?” Five narrowed his gaze.

“I was busy with making sure Klaus was okay,” Diego defended himself. “He couldn’t-- I had to carry Him to the car and buckle Him in. He couldn’t hold a glass of water.”

Five gave a measured nod before disappearing.

Diego grinned, knowing Five would track Kyle down before too long.

Later it was Klaus who greeted them in the kitchen instead of Grace. He grinned, clearly pleased with Himself, “We cooked tonight!” He had food all over Him but no new cuts or burns (Diego had double checked). 

The meal smelled amazing, it looked just as good. Klaus had set the table and laid out all the food, He rocked back and forth on His heels, grinning. “We even made a dessert so don’t eat too much!”

Turned out a Chef had made Herself known to Klaus and simply Wanted to Cook a big meal. One of the Good Ones. 

While it wasn’t ever great, knowing that Klaus wasn’t Acting on His whims, when it was something like Cooking, Dancing, Singing, Being Pretty, it wasn’t as Bad. Knowing that sometimes there were Good Ones and that They didn’t all Want to Hurt Him, Hurt them. When They left Him and He was still happy, still proud of what He’d done. Continued to dance on His own, continued to be happy being pretty, continued to be proud of Himself. Saying how Good He was. 

It was nice.

But they knew it wasn’t always nice.

Which was why when Luther heard Klaus cry out in pain and he rushed towards the scream and saw Klaus with an arrow stuck his foot and a bow hand he panicked, “What Ghost was it? What did They make You do?” He took the bow from Klaus’s hand as Five popped into the room, obviously just as worried about what the Ghosts made Klaus do now.

Klaus frowned at the arrow in His foot, He went to poke at it when Luther caught His hand. Luther shook his head, “Let us help? We don’t want You to hurt Yourself more.”

Klaus glanced to the air beside Him and frowned. The Perpetrator was probably there. “Which Ghost made you do this?” Sometimes when the found out the names of Them they could talk Klaus through Their Emotions easier. 

“None,” Klaus shrugged as Five started inspecting the arrow. “Unless you count Ben.”

Five’s head shot up, glaring at the air where Klaus had been looking, “Did you say _Ben?_”

As far as they knew, Ben never made Klaus do things, not like the Others. And why would Ben--

“Well we found the bow in the attic. I’d found it when I was up there with Dave making out, y’know how it is, and then I showed Ben later because it was cool! I talked Him into us playing with it,” He gestured to a painting that now had some arrows in it. “And then Dave showed up and was Upset that we were having Fun without Him, after all He was there when I found the bow? Why didn’t we invite Him and stuff? But when He showed up I got distracted and um--”

“Shot Yourself?” Luther asked. 

“Oopsie,” Klaus giggled. He didn’t seem upset at shooting Himself. He rolled his eyes to a different batch of air, “Oh Calm Down, Babes. It’s not Your fault!”

No, it sounded like it was Klaus’s own dumbassery. His and Ben’s. A rare actual accident. No one Made Klaus do this. 

Five sighed, “I’ll be back with the med kit.”

It hurt, how Klaus was acting like the arrow didn’t. They knew He had to be hurting from it, it couldn’t be nice. But he was cracking jokes and calming Ben and Dave down, calming Luther and Five down. Yet He acted like this was nothing. No worse than a papercut. 

But then, when Five was almost done with treating the wound, Klaus tensed, _”Please, no. No, no, no.”_

Luther put his arms around Klaus, Whatever, Whoever had shown-- They were Bad News. They’d never seen Klaus act like this, so scared of a Ghost. 

“Klaus?” Luther questioned, “Who’s here? How can we help?”

Klaus shook His head and tried to step backward, Luther held Him up while Five cursed at Klaus using His foot when it wasn’t bandaged yet. 

_”Please leave, Y-You can’t be here,”_ Klaus pleaded. “I’m Good, I’m Good, I’m Good. _Please I don’t want to be Your Bad Boy.”_ He was afraid. _Terrified._ Luther and Five were worried. Five froze when Klaus said, _”Please, Kyle--”_

Luther glared at Five, since he couldn’t direct his anger at Kyle, not knowing where He was. “Who is Kyle.”

Five swallowed, “Someone who hurt Klaus.”

“And you killed him,” Luther swore, gathering Klaus in his arms, being careful of where the arrow had been. “Didn’t you-- _you dum-dum._”

Five nodded, “I’m going. He’ll follow me--”

“You don’t know that,” Luther spat. “Someone who hurt Klaus when he was alive? Now that he’s dead-- You leaving may not help.” He cradled Klaus in his arms as Klaus cried and pleaded with _Kyle._

And then

a Miracle.

Klaus looked around, calming, making a confused noise. “Kyle?” He started shaking, but a grin on His face. Luther held Him as tight as he dared. 

“Klaus?” Luther asked, taking a large step back, so that if Kyle had Reached out, hopefully He would be out of range for a few seconds.

Klaus looked around, letting out a hiccuped laugh, “I-I-- He’s-- _Kyle’s Gone._”

“What do you mean?” Five demanded.

Klaus was crying again, “I think I Banished Him. I’m Just Me. Oh My God, I’m Just Me. _I don’t have to be Bad anymore_. I can stay Good.” He looked at where Ben and Dave probably were, “I can be Just Me? For Now? For Always?”

Klaus had a limp for a while though He a smile on His face. He wasn’t great at Banishing the Ghosts, but He was getting better at it. No longer did Allison worry about Klaus wanting to be pretty, Diego no longer had to check Him over for knives or injuries, Five felt better knowing that Klaus could Banish his Ghosts, the rest could take a breath and relax. Now the siblings didn’t have to worry as much, knowing that Klaus could Finally Be Himself. 

For Now.

For Always.

**Author's Note:**

> obliqueoptimism @ tumblr


End file.
